e.

I fell again today. While carrying home 3 ridiculously heavy bags I tripped on a rock in front of my building & bit it hard on the sidewalk. The only good thing is that I fell harder on my left knee than my right, which is still bruised & fucked up from falling on the bus 2 months ago. I twisted my right ankle, though.

Basically I feel like my feet don't work for me anymore, they're independent of my brain & do whatever the hell they want.
-----------------

I'm still reading everything you write.

I kept forgetting to post this, but here it is! You know how it is, if you end up ordering something via that link I'll get points toward something for myself. Win/win, I say. :)

I fell down the steps on the bus yesterday. I landed on my right leg & apparently slammed my arm against the pole. I don't remember, the whole thing is kind of a blur. Everything hurts. 56/365 is my bruised & swollen knee. It was a drawn out traumatic ordeal that I hope to get over soon. But you know me, easier said than done.

Today I went to a book signing with a friend & met Kat Von D. She's tiny, beautiful, and very sweet.

My second attempt at 365 Days is coming along nicely.

I'm not saying much here for various reasons, but if you care to know what I'm up to Flickr will usually tell you, and Twitter will likely tell you more.

I'm going to try harder to keep First & Franklin updated with my photography & such.

I have a lot to say but no motivation to say it & would mostly prefer to say it to my oldest & dearest. I finally let some stuff out via email with a friend, but there's so much more. I've become sick with it all.

This one's for ciaraxyerra: Obama as Lincoln.

Great collection of Obama posters in the windows at Treehouse Records.

I've decided to do the 365 Days self portrait project again, this time with a theme. We'll see how long that lasts. Hopefully I can keep it up, thinking about it more as an artistic project than last year's effort. A full-color book at the end of the year sounds promising to me. I can do that cheaper with Blurb & the like than as a zine.
But we'll see, I still have 363 days to go.

Did anyone like 2008, over all? Yeah, me neither.

I FINALLY finished the update to http://ELBfoto.com! Wait, did you know I've been working on that for the past couple or 3 weeks? Well, I have been & unless my brain has turned to mush (which is possible) it's all finished & ready for you to check it out. I hope you'll visit & let me know if anything seems broken.

There's some mighty cute street art in Puerto Vallarta. I shot this from the cab on our way to Barcelo (the resort we stayed at in Mismaloya).

I haven't been updating here at all because what's the point when I'm doing all those frequent but minor little updates on Twitter & Facebook? You know? Besides, we all know there's rarely anything going on over here that's worth writing about.

Coming up: B & I stay home for the holidays & go to Buca di Beppo for dinner on Christmas Eve. No, really. That's it!

Blogged a little about Handmaidens here: http://firstandfranklin.blogspot.com/

For location information: http://www.flickr.com/photos/surlygrrrl/3084156180/

Holiday shopping season is upon us... Come visit me! And a whole mess of other awesome artists!

I'm feeling anxious about Handmaidens on Sunday. I'm not tabling with Jess after all, I'm tabling with a stranger (Spilled Milk -- I have no info about them). I can't accept credit cards, which could eliminate a good chunk of sales, and I've convinced myself that no one I know is going to stop by to show their support. Boo hoo, I know.

I made the last of the pendants & now just need to pick up another pack of organza bags & another metal box (I picked up 2 more yesterday, but didn't realize I needed 3).


We got a disconnect notice from the electric company today. I'm sure the cable is on the verge of meeting the same fate. I am pretty much hating life these days but know it will be OK when B starts getting paid on a regular basis again. He has all sorts of insurance now, which is great. Me, not so much.

I filled in & printed out the pdf application for Minnesota Health Care Programs. I qualify for their Medical Assistance program because I receive SSI, but I have to send a copy of my award letter with the application. I haven't yet received the yearly letter letting me know my monthly payment will go up in January, which supposedly I can use as proof, so until I do I have to sit on the application. I also have to send a copy of a bank statement showing my balance. All of this stresses me out, regardless how simple it might appear to be. If I get medical coverage I'm considering going back to therapy & will entertain the idea of medication. Maybe.

These fish were big as dinner plates & the most prevalent. This school was swimming all around me, it was fantastic.

Just want to reiterate how fucking awesome nature is. I took this at the Aquarium Of The Pacific in Long Beach. I LOVE that place. Even though I lived in Chicago for a summer & have visited countless times I've never been to the Shedd Aquarium, but I think we need to remedy that. I've been to the Field Museum several times, though. So close yet so far. We need an awesome dedicated aquarium here. Underwater Adventure at the MOA doesn't count.

I sold 3 photographs on my main website this morning. I love that. It just reminds me that I desperately need to update it soon, though.

I have the Handmaidens Craftmas show this Sunday. I am getting a few more prints made (new stuff, from the trip) & I have to pick up a couple more metal boxes at Target for my table. I also need to finish making pendants this week. I think some of the aquarium photos will make good images for pendants.

Saturday night I'm seeing My Name Is Bruce with Sharyn, after which Bruce Campbell will host a Q&A. !!!

Lydia is finally home (the stupid kennel was closed all weekend). We hadn't seen her since the 14th of November! They said she was great with the other animals & that they let her hang out in reception. We've always figured her canine aggression was entirely on us & that just proves it. I wonder if she could go to a dog park with someone else? She deserves play time with other dogs.

I'm having sesame chicken for dinner. And cream cheese wontons. This makes me very happy.

Because Mexico ended up being free I am dying to upgrade my camera body. But B isn't having any of it, even though he'd love to be given the hand-me-down of my current body. I guess I should at least wait until I pay off the kenneling. Money sucks. When it's all credit & you don't really have any.

We're so disappointed in the underwater cameras.
I bet they work better in more translucent water.

After non-stop action for the last 2 weeks I spent my entire Saturday indoors, without even looking outside. It's back to my old hermit-y ways, I guess.

We're going home this afternoon. It is bittersweet.

I've been posting photos to these sets on Flickr. I'm not finished yet.

Things we did/saw:
Aquarium Of The Pacific
Dinner with April (understandish) at T.O.T. in Little Tokyo
Disneyland
Griffith Observatory (where I got motion sick from the planetarium show)
Lucille's for my birthday dinner
Extended family get-together at my aunt Kay's in my hometown
Picked up a nasty illness that I will spare you from detailing
Venice Beach
Huntington Beach pier
Samantha's memorial at the Federal Building in Westwood
Forest Lawn Cemetery in Hollywood Hills (fuck that place, for real)
Westwood Memorial Cemetery/Pierce Bros. Mortuary in Westwood (love that place, for real)
Swinger's for delicious shakes
Fred 62 for delicious food with Chelsea
C&O Trattoria for so-so pasta (I chose the wrong dish for myself)
4 days at a resort in Mexico (which was FREE! Best birthday surprise ever!)
and so many other things, I'm sure.

My feet/ankles have been swollen since I got off the first flight in Denver on Saturday.

It is crazy warm here, in part due to the fires.

It is still really smoky.

I played a lot of Wii tennis at Erin's & my arms are so sore I can barely lift them over my head. It's ridiculously fun, though, and now we want a Wii even more.

My cousin Gia came over last night & it was the first time I'd seen her since our grandma's funeral about 10 years ago. She's as beautiful as ever. She was drunk when she arrived & continued to drink. It was both funny & sad. Fortunately Erin was driving.

Dramaz: Remember the wedding we went to in PV last year? The whole reason we're able to go back this year? Yeah, my cousin Sabrina. That marriage ended 2-3 months later. !!! Apparently they were having issues beforehand & had even been in therapy for about a year, but I guess it didn't take. Erin thinks he's gay & was just looking for a beard, but the pressure to have sex with Sabs was too much for him. Who knows. I sure don't. They never filed the marriage papers in the states so at least they didn't have to divorce, he just asked her to move out & that was it. I guess she immediately went back to her previous boyfriend. Sigh.

Now Sabrina isn't talking to her mom because, I guess, Diana was totally on her case about the expense & somehow this is all Sabrina's fault.

My cousin Mariah married the dude she brought to the wedding last year. He smokes cigars & everyone says he's really boring. I barely spoke to him so I can't say anything about that. Erin says Mariah isn't in love with him, but had it drilled into her by her mom that she better get it while she can because this is her last chance. ??? Mariah is in her early 30s & stunningly gorgeous. Her mother is crazy.

After all of this discussion I thanked my mom for being so awesome.

We walked around downtown Huntington Beach & the pier yesterday. I brought the wrong lens & no film. I need to just stop trying to use my busted 50 1.8 because maybe 1 out of 10 shots is in focus.

We're going to some BBQ joint for my birthday dinner when we get back from Mexico next week. Then on Monday or Tuesday we're going to Disneyland.

We're probably not going to be able to go back to the aquarium in Long Beach because it's so expensive. Erin said something about seeing the Bodyworlds exhibit in LA, but I checked it out & it looks like it ended in September. We really wanted to see it back home but it was like $25 each.

It feels so good to be with family back "home." So much talk about my mom & Bob moving here (they'll be looking at property while we're here) & hopefully getting something that will allow B & I to move out here, too. It wouldn't be for awhile, but it's something to look forward to. I love Minneapolis, I'd be content living there for the rest of my life if I have to, but B is sick of winter & wants to get the hell out. He loves it here & loves my family. Be could be in his 50s before this happened, though. I also won't be surprised if it never happens. For us at least. My mom & Bob will definitely be moving here.

I fear the change regardless of how much I want it.

My birthday crown! And yes, I just quoted Avril Lavigne lyrics.

Awesome early birthday present from thimblewinder. I will be wearing it on my birthday, providing I remember to pack it. :)

Thanks Marissa!

Oh yay, more shit today. B's new company only provides same sex domestic partner benefits. Here's your pat on the back for being all progressive & crap. Except not really.

Things have been really shitty. I don't have the energy to share what or why, too many things. So much for LUCKY NOVEMBER. We leave for LA on Saturday & I'm hoping it's just the usual travel anxiety that has me feeling less than excited about it.

I dressed up for Halloween today but never left the house. And by "dressed up" I just mean I put on the most costume-y stuff I have, which aren't necessarily costume-like by themselves. Basically I was late teens/early 20s Ericka for the day.

I'm watching a show about addiction & this woman said she was currently on 2mg of Xanax a day. Um what? That's what qualifies as addiction, really? When I was addicted I was on 4mg a day & I could have easily taken more. I guess I never thought that was a big deal because that's what was prescribed to me by my shrink, but apparently it is a big deal. The last shrink I talked to about psych meds didn't believe I was on that much & I still didn't get that it was supposedly a lot. Maybe I still don't. Maybe I think the amount this lady is on is just not a big deal & that it's the other stuff she's doing that is really the problem. Maybe I'm just delusional about what those 4mgs did to me. I never felt any different, despite what my friends said (that whole zombie thing), and I kind of still think that there was nothing different about me or my behavior because it never affected my illness. So what was the point of Xanax for me if I needed 4mgs, yet I was still unable to function as a "normal," contributing member of society? If I take it now I really feel it (and love that feeling), but it is only a mask. My illness is still far more powerful than the drug.

[Click the pic to find out what's in the skillet.]

I made vegan walnut-mushroom paté this afternoon. It's the first thing I've made from Veganomicon & I can't wait to try it (it's been chilling in the fridge for a couple of hours). I was supposed to make it for a potluck on Sunday, but we had a horrible day & it never got done. I ended up getting sick when we stopped at a grocery store in St Paul, before getting to Sharyn's house, so we just turned around & went home anyhow. It was a bummer but probably for the best since it was a really awful day, with the weather & our moods.
I really love cooking but my kitchen is just not very comfortable. I mean, our portable island is the only counter space we have & that's not much at all. I can't use the kitchen table because it is B's personal workshop now. At least cooking warmed the place up for awhile, and made it smell amazing.
I'll be adding a food processor to my Amazon wishlist because I nearly killed my blender pureeing all of the ingredients.
Now I have over 2 cups of this stuff for only the two of us. It better be tasty!

In other news *drum roll*: B GOT A JOB!!!!!!! He starts next Wednesday & they are totally cool with the fact that he'll be going on vacation 2 weeks later. It sounds really positive, his new boss is excited to have him. The pay is more than what he was making at PDI, which is a plus, but we don't know yet if they provide domestic partner benefits so I could still be without insurance (which would just mean I'd have to try again to get MN Care, or whatever it's called). He's so relieved, as am I.

YAY! Arrived this morning. I have spent the day getting used to them. I'm so used to a slightly weaker prescription & looking through scratches & fog. My eyes are still adjusting, and at first I was pretty freaked out about how tiny they are (narrow, top to bottom) compared to my cateye glasses, but I really love them. B loves them, too, so that's a plus.

Yesterday was internet weirdness. Someone added this photo to digg.com & it blew the fuck up. I woke up yesterday morning to a ridiculous amount of views & favorites so I checked out the stats. I read the comments on Digg, which were mostly positive, though being the internet some were about what a fat, hairy slob I am. And a lot of people pointed out how a Big Mac doesn't really count as meat since it's mostly bread. Others just rolled their eyes & pointed out how this photo has been done before. Everyone's a fkn critic!

Sunday I was craving a burger & decided to go to McDonald's (if I'd gone to Wendy's instead that would have eliminated all the no-meat-in-that-burger comments). Then I realized Hey, I'm wearing my Meat Is Murder t-shirt, I should make this my 365, it'll be funny! At no time did I ever think it was so clever or original (I believe there's a photo just like it on Threadless itself), nor was I trying to make a statement about my or anyone's food habits. I really think too many people have too much time on their hands!

I only ended up having to block 2 jerks on Flickr & I just ignored the one person who for some bizarre reason assumed I was vegan & decided it was A-OK to be a preachy asshole & call me a vegan poser (which, let's face it, is pretty hilarious). I don't even know her, but if she knew me at all, as she seemed to think, then she'd know I'm an omnivore & always have been. But I guess since I eat meat I'm not allowed to eat vegan or veg, ever? I'll have to stick to those dairy & bacon cupcakes from now on!

Taking oneself too seriously is never good for anyone.

So it's finally dying down today, at 120k+ views & nearly 200 favorites. It'll be nice to be able to stop worrying if I'll need to block more people. Sheesh. The internet is one crazy ass bitch.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=16174069

These little guys are so cute! Shot today at the Handmaidens show at the VFW in Uptown.
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=10337531

I finally got a new eye exam yesterday & ordered my glasses last night! I am so very nervous about new glasses because I've been wearing the same frames for 15 years & am so accustomed to them. Not to mention the fact that they're quite popular with other folks as well. Mostly I'm hoping the new glasses won't be too small for my face. I'm not worried about the sunglasses at all. The next two weeks will be interminable.

And sadly I can't show you the glasses again because their site is down.

It rained all day.
I took the bus to the post office & mailed something for B, as well as a tube & a box to AC. Seriously delayed birthday & Christmas presents.
A couple of hours after I got home I took 3 buses to St Paul to meet some friends at Grandview to see Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. It was cute but just kinda "eh." It could've been better, and funnier.
My companions were supposed to be Sharyn & maybe Sheela, but it turned out Sharyn got kind of stuck in Mpls so my companions were Sheela & her friend Gretchen. I had already decided I'd see the movie alone if need be, so it was nice to not be alone after all.
After the movie we went to Tanpopo in Lowertown for dinner. I had shrimp & veggie tempura & it was delicious. I love tempura so much.
B made the trek into SP to pick me up.

My day was long but good. Though it really made me wish I had good lady friends that I could hang out with at least weekly. I miss the friendship style of my teens.

I dunno where my sound went.

Being related to a Sprint employee has its perks.

I accidentally called Ciara when I was entering numbers into the new phone, but I think she's the only one. I kind of panicked when it happened because I didn't yet know how to end a call. I believe I have it all pretty much down pat now, after playing with it all night & all day today. Fortunately it came with 2 batteries, because I drained one pretty quickly today.
I posted a video to Flickr but it's super pixelated. Bummer, because it looks great on my phone. I still want to try something from my bike at some point, though it may just be painful to watch. We're considering taking part in a memorial ride tomorrow. We'd just pick it up somewhere on Lake & ride back downtown. It depends entirely on how we both feel, since neither of us is doing so hot at the moment.

When I whine about friendship stuff I just want you to know I am aware of the irony.

It is rare that I regret anything, but in your case I might. I will always believe my reasons were valid, though.

The alley on the next block is consistently gross.


We went to I Like You today & picked up my payment for the photographs they sold. Enough money to pay for the second print order (which includes more prints for I Like You) & a new Holga. YAY! That's two less things to fret about. It also helps that I sold an 8X12 on Etsy this morning.
Oh, I told the ladies at I Like You about the photo pendants & they ooh'd & asked me to bring them in. I told them I'll have 25 for the December show & they can go through whatever doesn't sell at the end of the day. I also found out that I'll be sharing a table with Jess of Milton & Margie's, so that's a relief. I was nervous about being surrounded by strangers.

Tonight is premiere overload. Dexter, Californication, Little Britain USA, King Of The Hill & The Amazing Race. Oh how I love my TiVo.

Many disjointed thoughts...

+ I need to be less willing to brawl with assholes in the street. Today B & a dumbass runner nearly collided because the runner was in the street. When B said "get out of the street!" the jerk yelled "fuck you!" Well at that point it's on, motherfucker! I wore myself out with the adrenaline of the chase & further cussing & yelling at each other (me & the runner, that is). I really wanted him to just try to hit B, at which point I would have unleashed my fists of fury & gone nuts. I don't like this about myself, but it is EXTREMELY difficult to control. Don't sass me or my loved ones & everything will be just fine. At least I need to be provoked, I don't just go off on people for no reason.

+ Recently my best friend from 1985 found me on a private message board relating to Etsy. It really freaked me out because hello how fucking random is that?? Plus we hadn't spoken to each other in nearly 20 years & you know me, I like to move on & never look back. But in this case I thought it was pretty awesome because we never had a falling out or anything, we just drifted into our separate lives. After my reply to her initial message she never replied again, which makes me wonder why she even bothered to make herself known to me in the first place. I just think that's weird. If you don't want to reconnect why even out yourself?

+ I have never read Kurt Vonnegut, so today I finally picked up Breakfast Of Champions at the library. I wanted Cat's Cradle but they're all checked out. I am still reading Zinn's Declarations Of Independence.

+ Today at Pier 1 I bought 4 votive candles in 3 scents while B was busying himself in the hobby shop two doors down. I don't generally do such things, but they were 79c & smelled nice, so why not? Plus my mom put a pretty beaded votive holder in my Christmas stocking a few years ago.

+ I'm really starting to stress about the expenses involved with our upcoming vacation & the Handmaidens show I'm doing in December. I have been trying so hard to pay off as much of my credit card as possible since I need to put $600 on it when we get to the hotel in Mexico next month, but then shit comes up like desperately needing new pants & then needing prints & packaging for Handmaidens. I recently placed a $72 order for prints & I still have a $40 order. Not to mention another $50 order for backing board & cello envelopes because I didn't calculate my requirements well enough with my previous order (which B thankfully paid for). B will also be buying the single-use underwater cameras we flaked on taking to Mexico last year, but I need to replace my Holga & that's $30.
I know that frequently these things don't seem like a big deal to anyone but me, but I am VERY easily overwhelmed & stressed out & my one check a month is only $642. It disappears so fast when these extra expenses come into play. How I ever qualified for a credit card with a $2k limit is beyond me (I used it to buy my DSLR & am still paying that off two years later).

+ I probably never mentioned that I am tabling alone at Handmaidens, but I am. I likely never mentioned it because I generally don't write about negative things that involve people who could be reading this. I don't have filters & I don't lock entries so I just refrain from writing about certain things. Those of you who have known me for a long time must know how much restraint that takes on my part, since for so many years I was an open book with little to no restraint. It actually PAINS me! B is the only person I have to talk to about things that upset me & that is usually not enough. And yeah, it upset me & I never mentioned that, though it was probably easy to figure out if considered at all. I just feel that my in-person friendships (except for E) are tenuous at best so the less like myself I am the better because most people can't deal with me at 100% strength. B can because he's in it for life. I always say that I'm an acquired taste but B & E say that's bullshit.

+ I sold several photographs at I Like You & they want more. I'm hoping to pick that check up this weekend, so that money can go toward getting more prints.

+ I am a Negatively Nelly & am convinced that I won't sell a damn thing at Handmaidens & that no one will come see me there & that I'll not figure out a way to accept credit cards (PayPal Virtual Terminal costs money, but I might not have a choice) & all the money I will have spent will have been for naught. I am no more happy to be like this than you are to deal with it. No matter how indirectly.

+ Despite this I am really excited about the show & the prospect of making my money back. And because of this I may even make some 8x10 B&W fiber prints & charge the big bucks. You know, just in case.

+ I'm going back to blonde. Actually, I'll likely be orange first. You know how it goes.

+ My supposedly new replacement phone has been just as bad as the refurbished replacement I initially received. It claims to have no available memory so I'm lucky if it saves events in my calendar (like appointments & such) & forget about using the camera or video or the applications I used to use daily (Gmail & Google maps). Fortunately I qualify for a new phone so my mom ordered this & I should get it in a couple of weeks. I've been SQUEE'ing about it almost daily since my mom told me.

+ I'm making vegetarian Shepherd's Pie for dinner & am hoping it will be just as tasty without meat.

+ I might have a salon show coming up but I may have to postpone it until after Handmaidens, depending on whether or not the framed prints I have at home will be OK to use. There's just so much I can deal with, though, and October is the only month I have to accomplish anything before December 7. So basically I'd like it to be free of anything but errand-running & order-placing. This show will be courtesy of E's new girlfriend, who works at the salon. Nice.

+ I got two issues of Truckface + Up The Logic Punks #2 today & am terribly excited about this.

+ I'm sure there's more rattling around in my head, but it's stuck in the muck somewhere, so I guess this is it for now.

I decided to finally try the Swedish meatballs at IKEA & boy were they delicious.

So much to say, so little motivation to say it.

I listed this one on DaWanda instead of Etsy.

http://en.dawanda.com/product/991390-Silhouette-In-The-Clouds-Photo-Pendant

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15177424



http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15194193